I had just gotten to work yesterday morning at 9:30 central time, & I was inexplicably ticked off, irrational. By 10, my hands were shaking & I felt sick. I had an urge to cry, & did so. I had to be gently pulled from my register to go sit down in the office & just cry. I didn't know why, though, so I told my manager some older news about my mom & I not getting along.
I was a seasonal employee, but during my last break my human resources manager came up to me & said the store wishes to keep me on-board as a part-time employee. I was ecstatic.
Then I got home.
My grandmother (with whom I live, along with my grandfather) was on the phone with my mother. Apparently my ex-fiance's mother had called my mother, & my mother called my grandmother, who in turn finally told me the news, which erased all thought of my promotion. My ex-fiance is dead. He died yesterday morning. At the same time I felt inexplicably sick, he was dead.
And I know it's not my fault, I didn't even watch the news or read the article about it. I'm not going to the visitation or funeral either, because I want to remember him as I last saw him: alive, sitting across from me at the Olive Garden.
My family & my friends are all being so helpful, my ex-fiance's mother even told my mother that she hopes I'm not alone, so even when her son is dead she's still worrying about me. I'm thankful for that, I really am, but it shouldn't have happened. Three months from yesterday he would have been 22. Far too young for any of this. He had some of the symptoms of a 40-year-old man, too young for that.
I've never had anyone close to me die before, in fact the last death I experienced was our dog a few years ago.
What do you find is the best way to deal with grief? Please, I've been trying to write a story, notes, anything for some form of mind-occupying task. Any suggestions? Please?











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"Can we honestly say internal confliction is bad? Isn't that what builds the human psyche, and deems us human? Or shall we recklessly abandon this and return to our ancestral state?" -Aero
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Visit my website? It's new, lol. ^^ - Timeless - (best viewed with IE)
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My literary account: ~Shindaiya ^^
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"Can we honestly say internal confliction is bad? Isn't that what builds the human psyche, and deems us human? Or shall we recklessly abandon this and return to our ancestral state?" -Aero
Thanks for the
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Visit my website? It's new, lol. ^^ - Timeless - (best viewed with IE)
Proud to be a member of =Apophysis
My literary account: ~Shindaiya ^^
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Visit my website? It's new, lol. ^^ - Timeless - (best viewed with IE)
Proud to be a member of =Apophysis
My literary account: ~Shindaiya ^^
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Visit my website? It's new, lol. ^^ - Timeless - (best viewed with IE)
Proud to be a member of =Apophysis
My literary account: ~Shindaiya ^^
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